How To Make Bottoming Not Hurt
My first time bottoming was a nightmare come to life. I was in pain the entire time, not to mention super self-witting about my partner being all upward in my rear finish.
If yous're not familiar with the term, "bottoming" refers to being on the receiving end of anal sex, significant the "bottom" is the partner putting the penis (or dildo) within of them. (The person sticking said penis or dildo inside the bottom is referred to as the "top.")
After my negative sexual experience, I couldn't for the life of me understand what was pleasurable near bottoming. How exercise and then many men—gay, bi, and straight—derive pleasure from having a penis (or dildo) inside of them? After my get-go unpleasant feel, I didn't bottom for quite some time. Somewhen, I had a girlfriend who got me into it. She really wanted to peg me, so I told her I'd give bottoming another try. She loved anal (on herself, besides) and taught me what I had been doing incorrect. Afterwards a few experimental sessions, I finally got what bottoming was all about. It felt heavenly. My orgasms were so much stronger with something in my barrel than without.
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I had no idea how to bottom, which makes sense. Bottoming isn't an innate skill; information technology'south something you learn. Alas, there are non that many resources for men who desire to learn how to bottom, only have no thought where to begin. That's why we spoke to Dr. Evan Goldstein, founder and CEO of Bespoke Surgical, an anal surgery practice, for medical data and advice. We also spoke to legendary gay porn stars Boomer Banks and Ty Mitchell for tips on how to bottom.
Why practise men bottom?
Well, for one, cisgender gay men don't have vulvas, and then if they want to have penetrative sex, it's really their just choice. Two, it feels really good for the lesser. Roughly 2-three inches inside the anus resides the prostate, a walnut-sized gland that's a buoy of pleasure. "One time you tap into its benefits with appropriate stimulation, your orgasms volition never be the aforementioned again," says Goldstein.
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Relaxation is key to enjoying the bottoming experience.
To accept a pleasurable (and safe) time bottoming, you lot need to relax the voluntary muscles in your butt in order to accept whatsoever you're inserting into it, explains Goldstein. Y'all also want to start past inserting smaller things—like fingers or pocket-size butt plugs—before taking a full-on penis or dildo. (Note: Any toy that goes up your butt needs to take a flared base—you don't want it getting stuck upwards there!) If you stretch beyond your capacity, you can crusade impairment to the region—near commonly in the form of anal fissures or hemorrhoids.
Using yoga-style meditative breathing tin assist in pelvic floor relaxation, explains Goldstein. Use big, deep, full-bellied breaths. He too suggests "pushing out the pelvic floor during the initial insertion." Any you practice, practise not clench. For some, it's a natural response to having something inside if you, but you need to fight the urge.
How to practice bottoming past yourself:
You can start by inserting a lubed-upward finger, merely make sure to cut your nails extremely short and file them downwards. As someone who's had his anus fingered by women and men with long nails, I can tell you information technology's very unpleasant when they accidentally scratch your insides.
Goldstein recommends using anal dilating kits. Dilating kits, in essence, are a few dildos that range in size. Yous start with the smallest toy, lather information technology up with as much h2o-based lube as you possibly can, then put information technology inside of yous. You breathe with it inside of y'all, and go used to the awareness. You can also "play with information technology," moving it in and out of yous with your mitt. Goldstein recommends leaving it within of you for iii-v seconds earlier removing it. Then reapply lube (if necessary) and do it once more. He suggests doing 10 reps per set and 2-3 sets per session. Only after inserting a dilation toy with ease, can y'all motion onto the side by side size. Generally, information technology takes nigh two weeks to transition to the adjacent toy, assuming you're doing these exercises 2-3 times a week, Goldstein says.
Size Matters Magnum Ease-In Anal Dilator Kit
Size Matters Magnum Ease-In Anal Dilator Kit
Dilation kits are absolutely great, but they're likewise non necessary for every person who wants to bottom. Personally, I'd recommend buying a small prostate massager, and getting used to that. (Information technology should also experience really expert!) Merely make sure to go irksome, use a lot of lube, and breathe through whatsoever discomfort. Mild discomfort you tin breathe through. Pain, you should non. That'south a hard stop.
Writer and porn star Ty Mitchell, better known past his social media handles, Probottom, recommends "being actually intentional and thoughtful" while practicing on yourself. You demand to identify which things assist you relax, which movements brand you clench, and how to exhale, he says. "This practice of embodiment and thoughtfulness helps you get in touch with your torso, which is necessary to use your asshole sexually."
When practicing past yourself, brand certain you're aroused too! Watch some porn that actually turns you on. If you're sticking something up your barrel without being aroused information technology can exist an uncomfortable experience. It feels medical (and not pleasurable), which tin can make it difficult to relax.
How do you go about bottoming with a partner?
Bottom with someone yous tin really communicate with. "It's nearly reaching a level of comfortability for yous," says Boomer Banks, the renowned gay porn star. "Really attempt to connect with them beforehand." Talk to your partner almost their dos and don'ts, and share your own.This is even more important if you lot're new to bottoming.
With your partner, start slowly with fingers or a minor toy, and use a lot of lube. Silicone-based lube can help with anal sex because it's thicker. It'southward safety to use with condoms along with water-based lubes. Oil-based lubes, on the other hand, tin can erode latex.
Lovehoney Water-Based Lubricant 8.5 fl oz
Lovehoney Water-Based Lubricant 8.5 fl oz
When you start to have penetrative sex activity, exercise it from a position where y'all control the thrusting. I often start in the cowgirl position, and tell them to not move. That fashion you command how far the penis or dildo goes inside of y'all. If yous start in doggy style, your partner controls the thrusting, and they may accidentally go too chop-chop before you're relaxed and set up.
What are the proper ways to clean yourself out before sexual activity?
1 of the biggest fears of bottoming is adventitious poop. "What if I poop on his penis?" is a question nearly every bottom has asked himself at some point in his life.
"Information technology's a natural side effect," says Mitchell. "Information technology still happens to me, someone who's bottoming all the fourth dimension," he says. And if your partner is rude or judgmental to yous about it, and so know that they're the asshole, not you.
While pooping during anal sex is by no ways the terminate of the globe, there are however ways to minimize risk. The most common way is to make clean your anus using a douche. "The goal of douching is twofold: cleanse the anal canal and rectum with equally piddling trauma equally possible to the region," says Goldstein.
The two main ways you tin can clean your asshole is to douche using a little bulb, where you squeeze make clean water into your ass, or using a hose that you can connect to your shower caput, and insert that into your behind (ofttimes referred to as a shower enema). With either device, you lot lightly pump the water into your asshole and squeeze it upwards inside of you. (Note: Delight just utilize clean h2o. Don't add together any oils or scents!) You let it sit down inside of you for a few seconds. Mitchell says he counts to 10. So yous expel the water from you lot. You keep on doing this until you can expel completely (or at least relatively) clean water. Yous likewise don't need to eject that much water into your behind. You're non trying to completely make full information technology up. You're just rinsing it out.
A note about using a shower hose. Information technology can be difficult to control the pressure of the shower water, and y'all don't want to accidentally burn your insides by using water that's too hot. (I've done that and have never screamed louder in my unabridged life.) So earlier inserting the hose within of you, make sure it'due south the correct temperature (a fiddling colder than lukewarm) with a gentle pressure. Don't stick in the hose and then turn on the water.
OTBBA Anal Silicone Douche Bulb
OTBBA Anal Silicone Douche Bulb
Ane of the very annoying things about douching and enemas is that it tin can crusade harm to the the anal region if y'all douche also much. "It tin disrupt the microbiome in your barrel, which affects the normal balance of the good and bad bacteria that resides there," says Goldstein. "Every bit a result, there's a take a chance that micro-cuts and tears tin happen, and with the washing abroad or the absence of the protective layer, it can lead to a higher chance of contracting HIV and other STIs."
Unfortunately, there's no consensus on what constitutes as douching "besides much." This is likely considering it depends on how much water you apply each fourth dimension, what pressure you use, etc. Nonetheless, Goldstein says, "Less is always more and if someone is following an advisable protocol, then 2-3 times a week seems fine."
Some studies have shown that a pH-balanced isotonic solution, every bit opposed to regular water, can potentially help clean anal tissue without damaging the cells every bit much. And so if you find yourself douching frequently, it might be worth information technology to invest in an isotonic solution, like Future Method.
How does diet come into play?
"What most people don't realize is that being ready to bottom really starts with your diet," says Goldstein. In fact, if you maintain a diet that's total of fiber (either through nutrient or supplements), anal douching every time before sex may not be necessary. Cobweb keeps your bowel system regular and moving, which is what you want.
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Greasy, fried, fatty, flossy, heavy, or spicy foods that upset your stomach aren't ideal if you're trying to maintain a salubrious bowel system. Fruits are good! Mitchell makes clear that for him, information technology'due south less well-nigh what he eats as opposed to his dietary consistency. He has a relatively light and healthy diet that's high in fiber, but volition also drink a cup of coffee earlier heading to set, which in general, wouldn't exist recommended since coffee has caffeine which tin can cause you to poop. At the end of the mean solar day, yous need to learn for yourself which foods work best for you lot.
What are some of the health/safety risks of bottoming?
In that location'southward a risk of HIV and STI transmission, every bit there is with whatever sexual human activity. "Additionally, the external skin, rim, and walls of the anal culvert are quite thin and are more decumbent to several types of injuries, such every bit tears, hemorrhoids, skin tags, and abscesses," says Goldstein.
Condoms, of course, are the best way to help protect against STIs and HIV. You tin can too take one of two FDA-approved antiretroviral medications, either Truvada or Descvoy, for PrEP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis). These daily medications decreases the likelihood of acquiring HIV through sex by nearly 99%, the Centers for Affliction Command and Prevention report. If y'all notice yourself bottoming with a lot with different partners, PrEP is something you should consider taking. Ask your doctor.
Equally for the damage washed to your anal region? That's why we recommended practicing past yourself first, breathing deeply to relax, using lots of lube, and bottoming from the top position, then you're in command. All of these tips aren't just to assist you enjoy your bottoming experience, they also aid prevent any injuries.
Contributing Editor
Zachary Zane is the writer of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto and editor-in-chief of the BOYSLUT Zine, which publishes nonfiction erotica from kinksters across the globe. He writes "Sexplain It," the sexual practice and relationship advice column at Men's Health, and is the co-writer of Men's Health Best. Sexual practice. Ever. His work has been featured in New York Times, Rolling Stone, Washington Mail, Playboy, and more.
Source: https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a31912492/how-to-bottom/
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